Let’s not go into detail… Let’s not name names…
Let’s just say… sometimes women treat other women like absolute crap. Not accidental, unintentional crap treatment. Not sort of “sweet but actually bitchy” hurt. No. Intentional, willful, unrestrained crap treat-age. Devaluing, steam-rolling, interrupting, insulting crap dolled out in unrepentant spades.
Yesterday I caught the FULL FORCE of some of this exact brand of crap-ness.
In that moment, my friends, I remained ever so calm. Yes I did. My voice, ever so level. My words, ever so measured. No, I did not lay down like a mat to have people wipe their feet on me. No I did not. But I was very nice about my crisis negotiating. No tempers were lost on my side of the room. No shouting. No tears. But… oh. my. goodness. when I left the situation…. exited the room… crossed the street… walked the two blocks in steady, intentional steps…….. Rage.
Rage. Wrath. Violent. A murky kind of vindictive fury and hatred that honestly surprised me with its potency. My cunning brain was flipping through ways to kill and destroy. To break and bring down. To poison and grind to a pulp.
My insides are a murderer.
A slaughterer of feelings. A smearer of reputations. A decimator of relationships. My deepest insides, when thoroughly shaken, yielded some incredibly silty darkness.
And, in a way, I’m not sorry.
Yet even in the midst of my unflinching fury, one BIG RESOUNDING TRUTH echoed obnoxiously in my spirit. It said…
“A break in the cycle of hatred starts with… You.”
“Non-violence starts with You.”
“Cease fire starts with You.”
“Detent starts with You.”
“Lay down your weapons… starts with You.”
“Turn the other cheek… You.”
“Love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you… those ass holes… yep, also You.”
There is no time in our experience when we hate the concept of PEACE more than when it depends on us. When it depends on OTHERS… yes! Peace! Gosh! They should pursue peace! Peace is beautiful! Why all the fighting? Harmony, man! But when it depends on us… when it’s our turn to lob the ball back in the volley of wrong-doing… when it’s our turn to take a gut punch shot…. we want to take it. When it’s on us to lay down contempt, scorn, scowling eyes, and smirking mouth… when it’s on us to choose to love… That, we’re not so fond of. That sucks.
I say this to commiserate and also to exhort…. We Are Where All Hatred Comes To Die.
We are the people who say, “This far, and no further.”
We are the end of rage.
If only we will surrender it. If only we will lay it down, take our hands off our right, and choose peace.
In a world rife with turmoil…. remember….
You are the place where hatred can cease.