Wait In Your Stronghold – Advent 2.3

It was a day without reflection. Without quiet. Without calm. I chugged water to stave off a headache, but it clung to me with as much tenacity as the toddler clinging to my leg. It was a hamster hustle day. A scurry scurry scurry around the wheel and not getting anywhere to speak of.

I’ve been struggling with some very real things recently… things I’m not ready to talk about yet. There were no break throughs today. There was no insight or progress. There was only this question burning in my mind, singing in my heart: “Where will you run, my soul? Where will you go when wells run dry?” Over and over. Around and around the hamster wheel.

When wells run dry…

Even crisis can keep us on our feet, sometimes. It can give us something to Reform. Something to work on. But Reformation has a way of exhausting itself. The old ways have a habit of creeping back in. The force is strong with them. And our resources to invest and fail, invest and fail begin to flag… We run out.

Where will you go when wells run dry?

prisonerofhope_stronghold-01

When the mundane has used up all the sparkle, the hope, the energy, the dreams… When our most cherished expectations have shriveled to nothing over a long series of years… When life narratives have taken weird turns and the inner flame is guttering in a pool of spilled apple sauce under the table… When you realize that This Is It. Where will you run, my soul? What will you do now? Here at the end of you.

A few days ago I sat at a red picnic table while the kids threw clots of dirt at each other shouting, “Canon Ball!!” This one thought was strong: Is it worth it? To be faithful to all the things I have been so faithful to forever? Is it worth the labor and delivery that never ceases? Is it worth it?

I kid you NOT… the flipping WIND blew my Bible open and my eye landed exactly and immediately on this verse: “Return to your stronghold, O prisoner of hope; today I declare that I will restore to you double.” (Zechariah 9:12)

There are times you know the Lord is speaking to you. And you listen.

Over my spirit I could feel him, bending into me with the intensity and kindness of my middle school soccer coach, whistle hanging from his neck, hands on knees, face close to mine: “Get back in your stronghold, Blair. Run. Now. Hustle, girl. Your sprit wants to wander away from hope. I say, No. When your will is weak, you are my prisoner. You are mine. O prisoner of hope. Get back in there. Hunker down.”

A week later… I’m still hunkered. No answers. Just hunkered into hope. But rather than feel like a prison, it is beginning, just beginning, to feel like a home.

Where will you go when wells run dry?

Return to your stronghold. Hunker down in hope. Don’t let your heart stagger away…

“The Lord will fight for you. You need only be still.” Exodus 14:14

This is my Advent Waiting today: Be still in the stronghold of our ancient hope. Even so, come Lord Jesus.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s